IPL 2017

Couple more stray thoughts on the IPL. Never mind your Yes Bank Maximums and your Vodafone SuperFans and your Vitara Brezza Glam Shots ... why is it no longer ever "Goose Time"? I expect you remember the repulsive Mongoose bat; brand ambassador: Matthew Hayden, who recalled in his autobiography that "whenever I walked out to bat, signs would flash up on the scoreboard reading 'It's Goose Time'. I think the next generation of players will use the Mongoose without any reservations".

You can still buy a Mongoose, if perhaps you play for a club side and want to cut a Hayden-style dash as you stride to the wicket yelling "It's Goose Time!"

www.cricketdirect.co.uk/Catalogue/Cricket-Bats/Mongoose-Cricket-Bats

Also old news but I only saw it the other day: some years ago an IPL dancer from South Africa called Gabriella Pasqualotto was sacked by the Mumbai Indians, and supposedly deported by IPL officials (I'm willing to believe they have that power, but I don't know for certain). It seems she'd been encouraged to write a 'diary of an IPL cheerleader', and whether through naivety or provocativeness she omitted to sanitise her account of what it was like gyrating in front of a sea of lecherous faces every 4 and 6, and what would go on at the after-match parties. There's nothing very salacious, and she seems genuine when she says it hadn't been her intention to cause trouble - she'd just decided to spice up her blog by telling some of the truth about what went on. Her descriptions of some of the behaviour she encountered come across as more world-weary than scandalised, and she liked the job well enough to want to hang on to it.

I just came across that story as I couldn't help noticing that the IPL - much though it desires half-dressed dancers at their matches - prefers them not to be Indian. I wondered whether there was an official line on that. Couldn't find one, and got sidetracked. Here's one of many links to the dancer's blog story.

www.mensxp.com/special-features/today/4780-ipl-cheerleader-sacked-for-blogging-about-flirtatious-behaviour-of-cricketers.html

Sort of talking of which, I must admit to taking some cheap pleasure at the way Universe Boss's IPL has gone this time. Only played eight games, averaging 19. Getting dropped on form (rep notwithstanding) must be a fairly novel experience for Universe Boss.

Eoin Morgan's desperation to get back out to the IPL after the Ireland ODIs is causing quite a lot of comment in the press. Actually I wouldn't mind never again hearing Morgan say what brilliant preparation the IPL is for pretty much any form of cricket, and how much you learn out there even when you're not playing, and how the galvanising effect of Ben Stokes's IPL ton is palpable all round the England dressing-room, etc., etc. Anyway, having only played three games so far this IPL (scoring 22, 13 & 26), Morgan reckoned his chances of selection would be greatly improved by South Africa withdrawing their players from Kings XI Punjab so they could prepare for the ODIs v. England followed by the Champions Trophy. (Hang on a mo - hasn't Morgan got an identical schedule coming up?)

Well Morgan wasn't required for today's game, and I doubt he'll get picked for the other two games that he can potentially fit in before he (and the others) finally have to leave India to join the England training camp in Spain (you know ... Spain ... the ideal place to prepare for an intensive programme of matches in English conditions). But that's hardly the point. I assume that in making himself technically available for three matches he's unlikely to play in, Morgan qualifies for another three-fourteenths of his $300,000 fee. Understandable, so say so. Unless you think it's a faintly unseemly motive for the England captain to harbour, in which case don't scurry back to India to gather in every last dollar you can.